We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
