I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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