i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
