Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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