Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
