It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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