can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
