Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
