I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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