Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My feet surprised me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
