im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
