I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
