so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
