i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
they need to just BURY HIM!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
