you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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