NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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