Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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