I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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