shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
