I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
