"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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