I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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