So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
