i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
