last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
