Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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