Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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