Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
