It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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