can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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