A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
