I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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