the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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