I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
