so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Please don't give away my fajitas
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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