Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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