He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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