sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
