sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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