Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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