Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
