you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
