How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
