I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
