I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
false alarm. still invincible.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
