I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
