I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
