i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
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I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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