So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
