am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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