seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize