You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
