There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
