...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Randomize
