I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
