Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
