can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
