Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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