May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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