you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
