You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
