i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
