went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this beer tastes like vomit already
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize