fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
