Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
