he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
