I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Randomize
