I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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