drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
