after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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