no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
