On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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