I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
