almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
