His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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