dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
