Just fell off a train. Bad.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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