Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
