i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
