you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do vagina's smell?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
