I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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