Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize