Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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