Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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