come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
